home page

Goal Setting Made Easy:

How to Have Whatever You Want* plus 
Ways to Solve Relationship Problems

 (*well, almost everything - we can't give you a 5 inch taller body!) 

by Stephanie Relfe B.Sc. (Syd.)

Ten years ago I did a workshop where I learned a great secret about goal setting and how to have your life EXACTLY the way you want it.

The secret is to WRITE your goals down.

I heard that this was researched in a study at Yale University about this, as is described in Tony Robbins' book Unlimited Power. I have since been informed that that is an urban myth and that no such study was done. See http://www.realscienceofsuccess.com/YaleStudy.htm

However - it DOES WORK! (Was the original study covered up?)

This is so childishly simple, that it is hard to believe that it works. 

I have used this many times over the years.  I have found that this REALLY works.

Writing what you wants creates a kind of miracle.  This probably works in the following manner.  When you first think of something, it is just a thought in your head. It is not yet in the physical universe. However, thought is energy and the universe and everything in it are also made of energy.    When you write something down, your thought now exists in the physical universe.  Somehow, the physical universe eventually follows suit.  Many intuitive people know that thought creates reality.  If you need scientific, rational reasoning as to why this works, I suggest you read "The Holographic Universe" by Michael Talbot.

Clarity Leads to Power

The universe will give you whatever want.  Part of the trick is in being clear on exactly what it is that you want. Writing a goal helps us to get very clear on what it is that we want.  Once we are clear, God/Great Spirit/the universe know what to give us. Often we really have been getting what we have been asking for all along - it is just that it hasn't seemed to be that way.

Here are a few stories of when this worked:

• I always use it whenever I am looking for somewhere to live.  One time I got very sick of where I was living and I wrote out exactly the kind of place I wanted to live, even though it was next to impossible.  I put in everything, including views of the ocean and a great flat mate with whom I got on very well.  And I wrote down a rent that was at least half of what I would expect to pay.  Three weeks later I was living in the place I had written down, and the rent was identical to the dollar.
• Another time I had a friend who wanted to buy a car.  This has always worked for me VERY well when I want to buy or sell a car.  She had been looking for many months, and hadn't come close to finding something that she liked.  The trouble was that she was used to expensive brands, and at that time she was forced to buy a much cheaper car.  Finally I made her sit down and write out her goal the same way that you I will show you how to do shortly.  I thought that she was pretty crazy writing down what she did, but I didn't say anything because I know how powerful this can be.  She had the car she wanted for the price she wanted within a week or two
• I read in a magazine about a time when the actor Jim Carrey had almost no money.  For a year he carried around a check that he had written to himself, which said to ``Pay Jim Carrey ten million dollars, for acting services rendered".  At the end of the year he was hired to star in ``The Mask" for which he was paid $10,000,000!
• This was told to me by a man who helped to teach me about goal setting. A husband and wife wanted to buy a house.  They went to a seminar where they learned to write out their goals.  Trouble was, they both wanted completely different kinds of houses.  One wanted a fix-me-up kind of place, and the other wanted a place that was already done up.  They learned that they needed to work out what would make them BOTH happy.       Eventually they worked out that they wanted a place very similar to the one that they were living in at that time.  They wrote out their goal.     What do you think happened next morning?  Their landlord came to see them.  He explained that he had a tax problem with the house they were living in. He offered to let them buy the house, with the rent already paid going towards the deposit! 

Can you see how there could be a problem if two people living together both want different things?   Our conscious and subconscious thoughts help to create our reality.  But if two people are thinking opposing thoughts, then you have two forces fighting with each other.  There is no forward movement. 

What is wanted is an ALIGNED thought.  Two people thinking the same thing.  This means there are now two forces going in the same direction.  This adds a LOT of power to the thought.

If two people are very clear on what they want, and they both want the same thing, then it becomes even easier for them to have what they want. 

I remember reading in "Think and grow rich" or "Richest Man in Babylon" that usually rich men are happily married. Maybe the above explanation is one of the reason's why this is so.  The wife's intention helps to create the reality.

Your own Goal Setting

Think about the goals you would like to set.  Think of an easy goal you would like to achieve within one month.  Then think of one for 3 months and one for a year.

And later on you might like to think about what you would like to achieve for a Major Life Goal. What this means is, when you come to the end of your life, and you look back, what would you like to have achieved. How will the earth and its people be different as a result of your being here?

How to Do Goal Setting so that it Works for You

1. Be very SPECIFIC. How can anyone give you what you want if you don't know what you want?

2. Write in the PRESENT. Do NOT say e.g. "I will have ... ".  Tomorrow never comes!

3. Start with "I have …"  You have to "BE" in order to "DO" before you can "HAVE".  It does not go in the other direction (have - do - be).  A lot of people may have asked a person - what do you want to be when you grow up? They may have answered "a doctor".  And later found they were in a job they hated, working with a lot of sick & dying people.  They may have been better setting a goal "to have a cure for cancer".  That way there are more options open to them.  Another example:  A man worked out he wanted to have a million dollars.  He then worked out what he had to do - his answer - to BE a garbage collector.  He made a fortune from the garbage business!

4. Add the date

5. Add the date to be achieved by

6. I have found from personal experience that this works even better if you finish with the written statement "This, or something better, now manifests for me in, in totally satisfying and harmonious ways for the highest good of all concerned. Thank you God."

An example of well-written goal setting:

``I have a wonderful new job. 

It is located within 30 minutes of where I live.

I work for 40 hours a week.

The job is with a first rate company.  The management like me.  They appreciate my skills. The company is successful, modern, totally honest, ethical, well organised and very generous.  The company has good products and services which add to the quality of people's lives.

My employer appreciates my skills.  It is a joy to work for them. I really like and respect the people I work with, and they me.  All the management people like me very much and are impressed with me personally and my work skills.  I have a new Pentium II computer at my desk.

I love what I do.

I am paid $60,000 per year.

Date:  13 March 2000

Date to be achieved by: 13  May 2000

This, or something better, now manifests for me, in totally satisfying and harmonious ways, for the highest good of all concerned.  Thank you God"

Then sign it.

7. Keep ALL your goals together in a RING BINDER.  DO NOT leave them lying around.  They have tremendous power, and later if you change your mind you don't want an old goal lying around sabotaging you.

8.  Now get into action.  Circumstances, people and opportunities will present themselves. 

9.  Update your goal setting regularly:

9A.  If you have achieved your goal - celebrate.  Cheer! Give yourself a gold star. Scribble "well done" on your goal.  And keep your goal to remind you that this works.

9B.  If you haven't achieved a goal, study it.  Do you still want it?  If so, write a new date on it.  But study it REALLY well.  It is my experience that often people have got what they wrote down - they just haven't realised it yet.  For example, a friend of mine wrote a goal around a relationship.  I pointed out that her male business partner fitted the goal – It was just that there was no mention of sex or intimacy in the goal!

9C.  Tear up and destroy the goals you no longer want.

It can also be a big help to apply the knowledge in my article "How to know your life purpose"

Follow your intuition to determine what action you should take.  Remember that even if you take the 'wrong' action, you will learn something which will prepare you for eventual success.

If what you want does not materialise, it can be because there is something wrong with the goal you set.  Or it can be because there is a conscious or subconscious belief stopping you from getting it.

If this happens, when you intend to have the goal, instead of getting the goal your intuition may lead you to a person or book or situation which will help you to see what your negative belief is so that you can get rid of it.

How to Have the Relationship of Your Dreams

Manifesting your ideal relationship may be harder than manifesting the ideal job, house or car. This is because there are a lot more variables involved.  But if you manage it, most of your relationship problems will vanish.

To have the relationship of your dreams, a number of extra things may be required for this. 

1.         Read one of the two best books on relationships ever written,

            Are you the one for me? by Barbara de Angelis           

2.         In Chapter 10 you are told how to write out your 'shopping list' for your ideal partner.

There are 10 categories.  Here is a list to jog your memory as to what you may need to write down:

``I now have my ideal, committed, sexually intimate relationship / marriage, as described in my relationship goal, with the man / woman of my dreams who has the following qualities:  

i.   Physical

Appearance (height, facial hair? … )
Diet
Drugs?
Dress
Cleanliness
Race
Language
Age range
Children
Willing & able to live where?
Amount of energy?

ii.   Emotional

Affectionate
Committed to intimacy
Supportive and acknowledges me
Can cry
Feels and expresses feelings easily
Committed to a GREAT relationship
Interested in getting married in the future
Makes romantic gestures
(eg gives flowers, letters & cards, calls for no reason)
Totally faithfull to me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually
Confronts and resolves problems soon
Handles it if I'm down
Tells me he/she loves me frequently
Accepts me the way I am
Never gets angry, at me or anything else
Devoted to me
Proud of me and shows it
Has unconditional love for me
He/she likes me a LOT and I like him a LOT

iii.   Social Style

Loves most people.  Has compassion for the rest
Likes to play
Great sense of humour
Laughs easily and often
A party person?
Gets on with all social classes and races
Frequently shows me affection in public
Has a slightly mischievous side, similar to me
Will eat anywhere that I eat
Type of friends?
Alcohol?
Plans ahead for time together?
Likes restaurants
Loves the movies that I do

iv.   Intellectual

Type of mind
Very open mind
Enjoys learning & teaching
Flexible?
Reads?
Intelligence?
Learns quickly
Good knowledge of the universe and beyond?
Sets goals?
Goes out of his/her comfort zone?
Not critical, and if he/she is, he/she is specific in criticism
Introspective - looks at him/her self and sees it as it is
Special beliefs?
Very positive mind
He/she is aware of the existence of evil and is unafraid of it

v.   Sex

LOVES making love with me as often as I do
Puts time aside to do this
Loves to give massages and is very good at it
Loves to receive massages
Seductive
Likes to cuddle
Sensitive to energies
Skilled lover
Trained in advanced sexual techniques (As in Mantak Chia's book ``The Multi-Orgasmic Man" for men and ``Healing love through the Tao: Cultivating Female Sexuality" for women)
Sensual
Easily aroused by me
No hang-ups or fixations
He/she is easy to get a good night's sleep with, when not otherwise occupied
He/she finds it easy to sleep with me, when not otherwise occupied
Doesn't snore
Loves my body and tells me so
There is a lot of chemistry between us
He/she uses lovemaking with me as an added means to grow in spiritually and to grow in love
He/she easily mixes love and sex
He/she is willingly totally faithful to me in body, mind and spirit

vi.   Communication

Similar communication lag to me (Ron Hubbard said that a very important element in a successful relationship is for both people to have a similar communication lag.  A communication lag is the amount of time between you asking a person a question, and them answering it.  It has nothing to do with how much they talk.  It is when you get an ANSWER to the QUESTION you asked.  Some people answer straight away.  Others do a lot of talking which has nothing to do with the answer, before they finally give you the answer.  Worse still, others may talk for ages after you ask them a question - but not answer the question at all.  In this case, you then have to say ``I repeat the question, ....... ``)
Great listener
Good at acknowledging me and others
Loves to talk with me
Tells me what's going on inside him/her soon
Likes deep & meaningful conversations
Calls me daily when not with me
Asks me about me
Interesting - wide range of subjects
Is comfortable with silence
Compliments me often
Accepts my compliments
I find it easy to listen to him/her

vii.   The Physical Universe: Including Money & Time

Earns A$________________ p.a. or more
Wants more
His/her income exceeds his/her outgoings
He/she enjoys the simple things in life
Helps others
Organised?
Honest
Ethical
Generous
Interested in business?
Committed to doing the greatest amount of good for the greatest number of people, including us.
Very good at manifesting good things
Committed to retiring to work at playing his/her game in life, which is similar to mine.
I have a similar energy to him/her

viii.   Personal Growth

REALLY committed to do whatever it takes
Has no addictions
Receives and learns about effective methods to clear negative thoughts, emotions and results in our lives, such as kinesiology.
Reads books on growth
Listens to tapes, watches videos on growth
Has done group seminars
Makes concrete positive changes
He/her grows at my speed, in my direction (and I in his/hers)
Grounded
Really helps people
Is not a rescuer
Actively works on our relationship to make and keep it wonderful
He/she knows what to do to heal him/her self as soon as possible whenever stuff comes up, or negative things occur

ix.   Spiritual Growth

Has a personal relationship with God
Shares my realties about God (which are?)
Shares my realities about the unseen universe
Prays often
Intuitive
His/her chakras are very open
Walks his/her beliefs
Can teach me
Optimistic
Developing spiritually
Has the same spiritual beliefs I do
Has what as a top value?
Loving and compassionate to others

x.   Interests

What comes ahead of all else?
Interests include ...
Type of music?
Varied - including horse riding & racing
Loves animals & nature

3.        Have a look at your list and see if there are things on that list that you don't have.  Then start working on having those qualities yourself.

4.        Now that you have done goal setting for your ideal partner, write out a goal describing the relationship.   Include something about each of the 10 categories in "Are you the one for me" that were used to describe your ideal partner.

5.        To avoid relationship problems, study the other of the world's two best books on relationship problems, and start applying what you learn, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray   

I have used this information and added to it and refined it over the years. I have seen this information produce great long-term effects like vastly improved financial status and ideal relationships in both my own life and the lives of my friends and clients.

I have also seen it produce nearly instant results when something tangible is wanted in a hurry eg. When I was on my own I lived in a beautiful mansion by the beach, with everything I needed - and I was paying the same rent that I had paid when I lived in a grotty one-bedroom granny flat!

Another friend of mine in her 30s had never been in a good relationship. Within a few months of applying the information I gave her, she began a relationship with a wonderful, very successful, attractive man. They are still incredibly happy together and are now planning to move in together.

My favourite success story is my own.  After years of failure in relationships and many relationship problems, I am now very happily married to the man of my dreams!

Wins from readers:

I told a friend about this, and she wrote her goal down. She wanted to move out to the countryside, away from the big city, live in her own house and so on. In a months time.
Two days after a friend of hers (who didn't know about this) called her and asked her if she wanted to move out to the countryside cause a friend had a house for rent cheap.
Now she is moving, next saturday. It didn't work in the month, it required one week extra to get all details taken care of, but I'm still amazed that it worked for her. When she wrote her goal down neither of us could see any possibility that it might ever come true for her. (Magnus in Sweden).