Goal Setting Made Easy:
How to Have Whatever You Want* plus
Ways to Solve Relationship Problems
(*well, almost everything – we can’t give you a 5 inch taller body!)
by Stephanie Relfe B.Sc. (Syd.)
Ten years ago I did a workshop where I learned a great secret about goal setting and how to have your life EXACTLY the way you want it.
The secret is to WRITE your goals down.
I heard that this was researched in a study at Yale University about this, as is described in Tony Robbins’ book Unlimited Power. (I have since seen other articles maintaining that is an urban myth and that no such study was done).
However – it does work! (Was the original study covered up?)
This is so childishly simple, that it is hard to believe that it works.
I have used this many times over the years. I have found that this REALLY works. (Update: I have found from experience that this does not seem to work nearly as well, if at all, if you write it on a computer. You need to hand write write it with a ball point pen).
Writing what you wants creates a kind of miracle. This probably works in the following manner. When you first think of something, it is just a thought in your head. It is not yet in the physical universe. However, thought is energy and the universe and everything in it are also made of energy. When you write something down, your thought now exists in the physical universe. Somehow, the physical universe eventually follows suit. Many intuitive people know that thought creates reality. If you need scientific, rational reasoning as to why this works, I suggest you read “The Holographic Universe” by Michael Talbot.
Clarity Leads to Power
The universe will give you whatever want. Part of the trick is in being clear on exactly what it is that you want. Writing a goal helps us to get very clear on what it is that we want. Once we are clear, God/Great Spirit/the universe know what to give us. Often we really have been getting what we have been asking for all along – it is just that it hasn’t seemed to be that way.
Here are a few stories of when this worked:
I always use it whenever I am looking for somewhere to live. One time I got very sick of where I was living and I wrote out exactly the kind of place I wanted to live, even though it was next to impossible. I put in everything, including views of the ocean and a great flat mate with whom I got on very well. And I wrote down a rent that was at least half of what I would expect to pay. Three weeks later I was living in the place I had written down, and the rent was identical to the dollar.
Another time I had a friend who wanted to buy a car. This has always worked for me VERY well when I want to buy or sell a car. She had been looking for many months, and hadn’t come close to finding something that she liked. The trouble was that she was used to expensive brands, and at that time she was forced to buy a much cheaper car. Finally I made her sit down and write out her goal the same way that you I will show you how to do shortly. I thought that she was pretty crazy writing down what she did, but I didn’t say anything because I know how powerful this can be. She had the car she wanted for the price she wanted within a week or two
I read in a magazine about a time when the actor Jim Carrey had almost no money. For a year he carried around a check that he had written to himself, which said to “Pay Jim Carrey ten million dollars, for acting services rendered”. At the end of the year he was hired to star in “The Mask” for which he was paid $10,000,000!
This was told to me by a man who helped to teach me about goal setting. A husband and wife wanted to buy a house. They went to a seminar where they learned to write out their goals. Trouble was, they both wanted completely different kinds of houses. One wanted a fix-me-up kind of place, and the other wanted a place that was already done up. They learned that they needed to work out what would make them BOTH happy. Eventually they worked out that they wanted a place very similar to the one that they were living in at that time. They wrote out their goal. What do you think happened next morning? Their landlord came to see them. He explained that he had a tax problem with the house they were living in. He offered to let them buy the house, with the rent already paid going towards the deposit!
Can you see how there could be a problem if two people living together both want different things? Our conscious and subconscious thoughts help to create our reality. But if two people are thinking opposing thoughts, then you have two forces fighting with each other. There is no forward movement.
What is wanted is an ALIGNED thought. Two people thinking the same thing. This means there are now two forces going in the same direction. This adds a LOT of power to the thought.
If two people are very clear on what they want, and they both want the same thing, then it becomes even easier for them to have what they want.
I remember reading in “Think and grow rich” or “Richest Man in Babylon” that usually rich men are happily married. Maybe the above explanation is one of the reason’s why this is so. The wife’s intention helps to create the reality.
Your own Goal Setting
Think about the goals you would like to set. Think of an easy goal you would like to achieve within one month. Then think of one for 3 months and one for a year.
And later on you might like to think about what you would like to achieve for a Major Life Goal. What this means is, when you come to the end of your life, and you look back, what would you like to have achieved. How will the earth and its people be different as a result of your being here?
How to Do Goal Setting so that it Works for You
1. Be very SPECIFIC. How can anyone give you what you want if you don’t know what you want?
2. Write in the PRESENT. Do NOT say e.g. “I will have … “. Tomorrow never comes!
3. Start with “I have …” You have to “BE” in order to “DO” before you can “HAVE”. It does not go in the other direction (have – do – be). A lot of people may have asked a person – what do you want to be when you grow up? They may have answered “a doctor”. And later found they were in a job they hated, working with a lot of sick & dying people. They may have been better setting a goal “to have a cure for cancer”. That way there are more options open to them. Another example: A man worked out he wanted to have a million dollars. He then worked out what he had to do – his answer – to BE a garbage collector. He made a fortune from the garbage business!
4. Add the date
5. Add the date to be achieved by
6. I have found from personal experience that this works even better if you finish with the written statement “This, or something better, now manifests for me in, in totally satisfying and harmonious ways for the highest good of all concerned. Thank you God for this blessing.”
An example of well-written goal setting:
“I have a wonderful new job.
It is located within 30 minutes of where I live.
I work for 40 hours a week.
The job is with a first rate company. The management like me. They appreciate my skills. The company is successful, modern, totally honest, ethical, well organised and very generous. The company has good products and services which add to the quality of people’s lives.
My employer appreciates my skills. It is a joy to work for them. I really like and respect the people I work with, and they me. All the management people like me very much and are impressed with me personally and my work skills. I have a new Pentium II computer at my desk.
I love what I do.
I am paid $60,000 per year.
Date: 13 March 2000
Date to be achieved by: 13 May 2000
This, or something better, now manifests for me, in totally satisfying and harmonious ways, for the highest good of all concerned. Thank you God for this blessing”
Then sign it.
7. Keep ALL your goals together in a RING BINDER. DO NOT leave them lying around. They have tremendous power, and later if you change your mind you don’t want an old goal lying around sabotaging you.
8. Now get into action. Circumstances, people and opportunities will present themselves.
9. Update your goal setting regularly:
9A. If you have achieved your goal – celebrate. Cheer! Give yourself a gold star. Scribble “well done” on your goal. And keep your goal to remind you that this works.
9B. If you haven’t achieved a goal, study it. Do you still want it? If so, write a new date on it. But study it REALLY well. It is my experience that often people have got what they wrote down – they just haven’t realised it yet. For example, a friend of mine wrote a goal around a relationship. I pointed out that her male business partner fitted the goal – It was just that there was no mention of sex or intimacy in the goal!
9C. WARNING: DESTROY (shred/burn) the goals you no longer want.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! For a while I was being held back -and then I found a number of old goals I no longer wanted. We shredded them and the energy improved greatly after that!
It can also be a big help to apply the knowledge in my article “How to know your life purpose”
Follow your intuition to determine what action you should take. Remember that even if you take the ‘wrong’ action, you will learn something which will prepare you for eventual success.
If what you want does not materialise, it can be because there is something wrong with the goal you set. Or it can be because there is a conscious or subconscious belief stopping you from getting it.
If this happens, when you intend to have the goal, instead of getting the goal your intuition may lead you to a person or book or situation which will help you to see what your negative belief is so that you can get rid of it.
How to Have the Relationship of Your Dreams
Manifesting your ideal relationship may be harder than manifesting the ideal job, house or car. This is because there are a lot more variables involved. But if you manage it, most of your relationship problems will vanish.
To have the relationship of your dreams, a number of extra things may be required for this.
1. Read one of the two best books on relationships ever written,
2. In Chapter 10 you are told how to write out your ‘shopping list’ for your ideal partner.
There are 10 categories. Here is a list to jog your memory as to what you may need to write down:
“I now have my ideal, committed, extremely-happy marriage, with the man / woman of my dreams who has the following qualities:
Appearance (height, facial hair? … )
Willing & able to live where?
Amount of energy?
Committed to intimacy
Supportive and acknowledges me
Feels and expresses feelings easily
Committed to a GREAT relationship
Wants to get married in the future (VERY IMPORTANT)
Makes romantic gestures (eg gives flowers, letters & cards, calls for no reason)
Totally faithfull to me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually
Confronts and resolves problems soon
Handles it if I’m down
Tells me he/she loves me frequently
Accepts me the way I am
Never gets angry, at me or anything else
Devoted to me
Proud of me and shows it
Has unconditional love for me
He/she likes me a LOT and I like him a LOT
iii. Social Style
Loves most people. Has compassion for the rest
Likes to play
Great sense of humour
Laughs easily and often
A party person?
Gets on with all social classes and races
Frequently shows me affection in public
Has a slightly mischievous side, similar to me
Will eat anywhere that I eat
Type of friends?
Plans ahead for time together?
Loves the movies that I do
Type of mind
Very open mind
Enjoys learning & teaching
Good knowledge of the universe and beyond?
Goes out of his/her comfort zone?
Not critical, and if he/she is, he/she is specific in criticism
Introspective – looks at him/her self and sees it as it is
Very positive mind
He/she is aware of the existence of evil and is unafraid of it
v. Love making
Loves making love with me as often as I do
Likes to cuddle
No hang-ups or fixations
He/she is easy to get a good night’s sleep with
He/she finds it easy to sleep with me
Loves my body and tells me so
He/she is willingly totally faithful to me in body, mind and spirit
Good at acknowledging me and others
Loves to talk with me
Tells me what’s going on inside him/her soon
Likes deep & meaningful conversations
Calls me daily when not with me
Asks me about me
Interesting – wide range of subjects
Is comfortable with silence
Compliments me often
Accepts my compliments
I find it easy to listen to him/her
vii. The Physical Universe: Including Money & Time
Earns A$________________ p.a. or more
His/her income exceeds his/her outgoings
He/she enjoys the simple things in life
Interested in business?
Committed to doing the greatest amount of good for the greatest number of people, including us.
Very good at manifesting good things
Committed to retiring to work at playing his/her game in life, which is similar to mine.
I have a similar energy to him/her
viii. Personal Growth
Committed to do whatever it takes
Has no addictions
Receives and learns about effective methods to clear negative thoughts, emotions and results in our lives, such as kinesiology.
Reads books on growth
Listens to tapes, watches videos on growth
Makes concrete positive changes
He/her grows at my speed, in my direction (and I in his/hers)
Really helps people
Is not a rescuer
Actively works on our relationship to make and keep it wonderful
He/she knows what to do to heal him/her self as soon as possible whenever stuff comes up, or negative things occur
ix. Spiritual Growth
Has a personal relationship with God
Does what God wants
Shares my realties about God (which are?)
Shares my realities about the unseen universe
His/her chakras are very open
Walks his/her beliefs
Can teach me
Has the same spiritual beliefs I do
Has what as a top value?
Loving and compassionate to others
What comes ahead of all else?
Interests include …
Type of music?
Varied – including horse riding & racing
Loves animals & nature
I would add two more categories:
Cares and learns about natural health
Wants them? Not want them?
Wants to home school
Wants to raise children naturally (water birth, breast feeding until all teeth are grown, no vaccinations etc.)
3. Have a look at your list and see if there are things on that list that you don’t have. Then start working on having those qualities yourself.
4. Now that you have done goal setting for your ideal partner, write out a goal describing the relationship. Include something about each of the ategories.
5. If you are dating someone, score them up, from 0 to 5 for each item. 0 is zero and 5 is perfect. Then work out the total possible score and see how they score. Barbara DeAngelis suggests you should not marry anyone who scores less than 90%.
6. To avoid relationship problems, study and applying what you learn from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray
I have used this information and added to it and refined it over the years. I have seen this information produce great long-term effects like vastly improved financial status and ideal relationships in both my own life and the lives of my friends and clients.
I have also seen it produce nearly instant results when something tangible is wanted in a hurry eg. When I was on my own I lived in a beautiful mansion by the beach, with everything I needed – and I was paying the same rent that I had paid when I lived in a grotty one-bedroom granny flat!
Another friend of mine in her 30s had never been in a good relationship. Within a few months of applying the information I gave her, she began a relationship with a wonderful, very successful, attractive man. They are still incredibly happy together and are now planning to move in together.
My favourite success story is my own. After years of failure in relationships and many relationship problems, I am now very happily married to the man of my dreams!
TWO MORE IMPORTANT TIPS TO ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS:
1. KEEP YOUR PLANS TO YOURSELF
Although many people believe that it is good to make a public declaration of your plans, tests done since 1933 show that people who talk about their intentions are less likely to make them happen!
Announcing your plans to others satisfies your self-identity just enough so that you are less motivated to do the hard work that is needed to make it happen.
In 1933, W. Mahler found that if a person announced the solution to a problem, and was acknowledged by others, it was registered in the brain as a “social reality”, even if the solution hadn’t actually been achieved. NYU psychology professor Peter Gollwitzer found that those who kept their intentions private were more likely to achieve them than those who made them public and were acknowledged by others.
Once you’ve told people of your intentions, it gives you a “premature sense of completeness.” So, keep that energy within you, for any goal. I have found that when I set a goal, if I don’t tell anyone about it, the energy just builds and builds inside me so that I just HAVE to do something about it and manifest it. But if I tell someone anything about what I am going to do, the energy goes out. It feels much like the air going out of a balloon.
When you feel that you just HAVE to tell someone – just DON’T. Take that energy instead and use it to make the goal COME TRUE!!!
2. WRITE WITH COLORED PENS, NOT BLACK.
Use different colors. This activates the right side of your brain.
3. WRITE IN CURSIVE (if you can)
If you know how, that is. Cursive activates the right side of your brain.
4. DRAW A PICTURE THAT REPRESENTS YOUR FINAL GOAL
This is especially important. Do this, no matter how bad you are at drawing. Use color. Your right brain won’t care what the picture looks like. It will only care what it represents. Your brain will then work with your spirit to help you to manifest that goal.
5. STICK POSITIVE WORDS ON YOUR WATER CONTAINERS
Right now, make a sticker with these words, or similar: “Yahweh, Yeshua (Jesus Christ), Wealth, Abundance, Prosperity, Joy, Health, Freedom”. Stick the sticker on your water cooler so it touches the water you drink. Put them wherever you put a glass down.
This works because our bodies are over 60% water. And water is programmed by WORDS.
Wins from readers:
I told a friend about this, and she wrote her goal down. She wanted to move out to the countryside, away from the big city, live in her own house and so on. In a months time. Two days after a friend of hers (who didn’t know about this) called her and asked her if she wanted to move out to the countryside cause a friend had a house for rent cheap.
Now she is moving, next saturday. It didn’t work in the month, it required one week extra to get all details taken care of, but I’m still amazed that it worked for her. When she wrote her goal down neither of us could see any possibility that it might ever come true for her. (Magnus in Sweden).
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Copyright ©: Stephanie Relfe - 1998 - 2020
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